Memoirs of my Suicide

The last few days gone by in a listless fashion,
Where life was lived without any passion,
The checks my plans wrote weren't good enough for cashin',
Down the rabbit-hole I went crashin'.

I pity me then he pities I,
A greener horizon sought by the eye,
Distressed with livin this lie,
The heart belted out a soundless cry.

The hands did the job that suited society,
The legs strolled towards a made-up land in a drunken sobriety ,
The path leading to a faithless county,
Where nothingness yearned for a meaningful eternity.

Is this the way I had it planned?
Or was it someone else that dealt this hand?
Was I ever in control of my band?
Or was the music of my life never meant to be grand?

Choked for air in a room full of oxygen,
I lie awake with a bullet and a gun,
Do I wait, wait at least until all is done?
Or should I begin my descent towards the sun?

The lightness of my being is felt by the bed,
The weight of the heaviness leaving the mind dead,
The unthinking finger squeezes on the trigger,
As the linens begin turning a happy shade of red,
I see myself pass away with this thought in my head - In this society that claims to be well educated, well-bred, why was I the only one left unread?

Optimystic

Optimystic - Muby

You’re all that I’ve got on my mind

Walking back through the sands of time

The way you used to be all mine

While everything else had to wait in line

It’s funny how a song can bring those memories back

It’s funny how a picture can make you lose your tracks

Looking back on things that were

The way we used to be: me and her

All those dreams are now a blur

A path so straight, now feels so curved

It’s funny how quickly your bright plans turn to black

It’s funny how life so full can feel so cracked

All that I had left is gone

Even all the rights feel so wrong

Every night seems so long

No place left where I belong

Its funny how life can leave you feelin’ attacked

Its funny how in the end, all you’ve got left is flak

But, this isn’t anywhere close to the end

‘Cos soon I’ll find another friend

A smile to share, a hand to lend

More memories just around the bend

It’s funny how scattered things still seem to be stacked

It’s funny how time can help us gain what we lacked

It’s funny how a song can bring those memories back

It’s funny how a picture can make you lose your tracks

Always Takes Two to Tango

You loved one day and forgot the next

The phone calls stopped, and so did the texts

Didn’t even get a chance to understand the context

Just left me one day, all lonely and vexed

Does it even bother you that I’m still in love?

Does it even matter that I haven’t had enough?

I feel like a piece of junk that you just shoved

My heart hurts like it was punched with a boxing glove

I hope you’re enjoying the new depth of my hollow

But, what goes around comes around you kow

And you too will see yourself in my place tomorrow

‘cos baby it always takes two to tango

I bled so much that I have no blood pumping through my brain

I hurt so much that I can’t even feel the pain

If our love was insanity, this feels far less sane

Feels like getting run over by a subway train

Hope I never feel about anyone the way I felt about you

‘cos if everything ends this way, I’d rather die alone and blue

It’s better than dying every day my whole life through

With the feeling that you’re so close but would never come to my rescue

I hope you’re enjoying the display of my sorrow

But, don’t take me to be foolish or shallow

‘Cos you will see yourself in the same rotten place tomorrow

‘cos baby it always takes two to tango

I really have nothing more to say

I am just waiting for that blessed day

When no one’s left to make you feel okay

And you think about losing my love in dismay

But, I ain’t coming back no more, I’ve jumped that wagon

I’m done with playing the knight who rescues you from the dragon

You might have to look for someone else up for snaggin’

‘cos I know with you, the pain just goes on draggin’

I hope you have someone left to follow

Someone’s shoulder you could beg or borrow

But, you will find yourself in my place tomorrow

Cos baby it always takes two to tango

My doppleganger

I just moved to Pittsburgh from Mysore (that's a major MOVE!!) and I think there is a lot of similarity in the spirits of the two cities. Both are nice friendly cities, not too commercial, not too rural, the right kind of semi-urban cities. But, one thing different about Mysore and Pittsburgh is, I have family and friends back in Mysore. In Pittsburgh, I don't have family, and I'm still making friends. So, most of the time I'm left alone. By myself. And coming from a joint family (for people of US, a joint family is where you and your family live with your grand-parents, uncles, aunties, cousins in one single house...sounds unbelievable right?), it hasn't been easy for me to adjust to this new state of solitutde I find myself in here.

I tried pinging some people on gtalk who I thought I could be good friends with, but they're either busy, or maybe take time to open up or just don't want to be friends with me, whatever the reason, they don't respond much. Actually, the fact is that most of these people have already made good friends during the first few days itself and don't want anymore friends. Anyway, so I decided that I have to come up with some way to find someone to keep me company. And that is when I realized that it could be ME giving ME company. Yeah, split personality. Won't it be cool to have one alter ego? Wherever you go, he'll be with you and you'll never feel left out. So, now I have been trying to divide my personalities into two. One would be Muby and the other is the Doppleganger...my evil side...:-) I don't know whether you can develop a split personality by practice, but I'm sure gonna give it a shot..........

Wish me luck friends. ..........."Best of luck Muby...."